Heavy hearts

Dear friends,

Our hearts are heavy tonight. Liam’s seemingly endless journey through cancer and infection carries on. It seems that every flicker of resolution gets snuffed out before we’ve reached it. 

Liam had been doing so well this week. He was feeling better than he had in a long time. He had started eating and tolerating formula in his feeding tube, and he wasn’t experiencing any nausea or stomach pain. His oncology team was ready to send him home yesterday, but the infectious disease team decided to keep him over the weekend to keep an eye on him. 

This evening Liam spiked a fever. As I write this, an IV therapy nurse is taking a blood culture to check for sepsis. Liam will start another antibiotic tonight. We haven’t spoken with his medical team yet, so we don’t know what this means. Was his latest gut infection still unresolved? Could he be experiencing fevers from his underlying fungal infection? Does he have a new infection brewing?

We’ve been here before. Many times. The emerging expectation of going home and normalcy is taken from us at the last second, and we’re left reeling from the blow. 

I’m sad tonight. I’m sad that this year of Liam’s childhood has been robbed from him. I’m sad that he has experienced more pain and suffering than most ever will. I’m sad that people stare at him and his pale bald head and feeding tube when we take walks. I’m sad that he was so heartbroken tonight when he heard that he had a fever. He knows what that means now. I’m sad that my little boy isn’t able to just be a little boy. 

While we still trust that God is faithfully with us in the midst of our hardship, and we acknowledge the many blessings that we’ve encountered through it, some days are harder than others. Today is a sad day.

Please pray for Liam’s healing, friends. Please pray for our encouragement and endurance.